8. Some who made your life hell or treated you badly.
Well, as a blog buddy said before me, I don't believe in hell. And really, I never allow anyone to make my life hell. I'm very good at walking away and not holding on to things. Someone who's treated me badly - yes, of course. Someone who, after years of taking it, I let go of. The relationship was always a struggle. And I can say that we had many, many good times too, but there were always those jabs - in the nicest possible way, to assist me, because this person knew better.
This person will say I was rude the last time she saw me and I was, in her home, due to anger over yet another idiot incident. Not something I'm proud of, that old reactivity. We seemed to move past it, but those jabs again. And then the final jab over my not liking a certain singer. I remember thinking, who the hell are you? Once again, in this person's opinion, my feelings were not what they should be. I decided I no longer need a person who does this in my life. I hung up the phone and that was the end.
This final incident came about at a time of shift for me. About a year or so before I began a process of re-evaluation, letting go of what is no longer useful to me and figuring out what I really need; choosing to accept myself, warts and all, love myself. And... I have made some good progress. What I knew with complete clarity, at that moment, was I didn't need a friend who didn't treat me well, who didn't accept that my feelings and opinions were valid even if she didn't agree. She didn't have to agree, I never expect anyone to always agree, just allow me my say. It wasn't worth the struggle anymore. It was a very freeing moment to allow myself to say "no more of this!"
Painful? Yes, but it is what it is. Lesson learned, moving on, wiser. No more having someone around who, instead of giving support, chose to play devil's advocate all the time. Trust issues? Oh yeah, but I'll get by, I always do. As some wise person once told me, it's a process. I'm processing, I'm processing!