1. Something you hate about yourself.
The thing I really dislike about myself is that I'm very reactive and high strung - which can mean inappropriate reactions and words best left unsaid. Oh and much obsessive thinking rehashing whatever it was. I long to be that wise woman, patient and calm, at peace with life in general. And, to be honest, I am much closer to that vision now than ever I have been - old age setting in and not giving a rat's ass anymore. Still, sometimes I could just slap the crap out of myself. The temper, the quick, sharp words. I call myself a curmudgeon, a crosspatch (actually, I like crosspatch better) but don't want to happily wallow in it which is what I do sometimes. My motto, and this is no joke, is: "It's good to be Queen!"
And yet... I have friends who will disagree with this assessment. That's because I am generally well behaved in public and loyal as the day is long. It takes a lot for me to abandon a friend and when I do, it is for darn good reasons - in my opinion, of course. Friends know they can depend on me and I'll fight right beside them - most of the time more passionately than they do. I'm there for them and I'll side with them, even making excuses when they might be wrong! I can get riled up with the best of them, better than most, in fact.
My close friends know this, but I'll mention it here - Shekhinah Mountainwater, one of the mothers of the Feminist Spiritual Witch movement, may she RIP, almost kicked me off her women's group because I was "too harsh" in my assessment of one of the other women in the group. Of course that woman was an idiot, namby pamby fluff ball and I really did go out of my way to be respectful in disagreeing with her - obviously not enough for her as she went whining to Shekhinah. But my point is, her attitude just got me riled and I immediately fired off a response without thinking it through. This was a women's spiritual group that catered to wrapping women in cotton wool, with harm to none, for the good of all, etc. etc. I knew that speaking an opinion that went against the standard for the group was not encouraged. There will be some who disagree with my assessment of what went on, private as it was, but this is my blog, so fuck off to them. See - there I go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Still and all, I long to just flow with tide instead of jumping around like a manic wild woman. Well, if my aging process so far is any indication, I should achieve that at some point! Dang, life could get boring!
If I'm REALLY honest here, I have to say I DO wallow in my crosspatchedness, happily, many times. I am a Leo Sun and Leo Moon. For anyone with all that Leo-ness, it sure makes it very hard to hate yourself or much of anything about yourself. Leos just really think they are all that and more - and that would also make me perfectly justified in my reactiveness. In fact, all that Leo-ness makes me what I am and I like it!!! See - there I go again! I just think I'm pretty neat so I can't really hate something about myself. Regrets... I have a few, of course, but not hate, no, not really.
I was worried I wouldn't have much to say.