Day 11 The Truth

11. Something people seem to compliment me the most on.


This is an easy one to help me gently step back into Thirty Days of Truth. I felt a little like I'd been through the wringer dredging up all that stuff! It did me a lot of good though, I have to admit. I needed a few days off from the blog entirely - so I haven't posted any photos yet of the current needlework finishes or my Hekate's Night ritual. I'm buzzing around the house this week with pre-holiday cleaning AND I'll be working one day a week at my friend's metaphysical shop now!!! That's a dream come true, I'll be right in my element as she already introduces me as the resident witch!


OK, on to the thirty!!!


I get many compliments about two things, actually, my hair- which is very long, past my waist, and my eyes, which are green. This is a photo from a few months ago while I attended beauty school and had two little blond streaks put in - very witchy! But I've since done away with them because the bleach was taking a toll. My hair is very fine, in fact baby fine - my husband calls it angel hair - and  is rather delicate. When I get my bangs trimmed or just a general trim, I don't let anyone other than myself shampoo my hair, I do it at home and arrive at the salon with damp hair. I do wear it pinned up a great deal, but when it is down, people tell me how lovely it is all the time, in the grocery store, in the book store, etc. The only thing I don't like is when strange men (and occasionally a few women)  actually touch my hair, telling me how soft it is - a little creepy and I can't imagine why people think it is OK to touch a stranger in such a way. Yes, I am well aware of what my hair feels like, thank you. I'm a fat gal in her mid fifties, for goodness sake, you'd think that would put them off a bit! Ah well, the magick of hair! 

I worked for an ophthalmologist for almost 16 years and when colored contact lenses became available, yes, many years ago, people would point at me and say, I want the color of HER eyes. Of course, Dr. S would shake his head and smile, apologizing and telling them my eye color was real! My husband always looks into my eyes and tells me how beautiful they are. In fact, perfect strangers tell me how lovely they think my eyes are. Now that is not creepy, it is very nice! No boundaries violated!!!


So there is my day eleven - much easier than past posts! And hopefully, I will have a couple of photos of very nice needlework finishes to share, including two ornaments for the Solstice tree. However, for now, back to scrubbing, dusting, fluffy, smudging, sprinkling of herbs & such and other general cleaning mayhem!!!


Blessings nine!

Day 10 The Truth

(artwork by Jane Ward, Persephone's Womb)

Day 10 Someone you need to let go or wish you didn't know.


As I have mentioned, over the last year and a half or so I have been doing the releasing thing - letting go of the need to control all aspects of my life, letting go of the pursuit of perfection, attempting to let go of fear and allow my vulnerability to show, letting go of folks who don't fit in with where I am going. Truth be told, I'm a mush inside, a softie for a sob story, fighting for the underdog, - you get the idea. And I kind of like not having to be the strong one all the time anymore, being able to talk about my fears, anxiety, my mushiness, which I have come to embrace. 


When you open yourself up like that, some folks embrace you because they love you and that's that - that's been my experience 98% of the time. Now, there's that other 2% who throw your vulnerability in your face. I have known someone like that. A volatile and angry person that I know has been damaged by abuse and naturally, I felt great sympathy for this person. But, you know, sometimes there's so much anger and negativity that nothing you do will make it better, nothing you do CAN make it better. It's just not your job, it's theirs; not your business. That energy just takes you down with them.


Truly, as much as I consider negative things lessons learned, I certainly could have lived without some of them. This is a person I wish I had never met. It's too hurtful to watch someone in that kind of pain all the time and know it will not get better mostly because that person doesn't want to, will not accept their warts and that's just the name of that tune. 


I don't run, I just walk on past, walk away and try not to take a wrong turn off the yellow brick road. OK, some of those side trips are pretty darn interesting.

This weekend I'll post some photos of a few stitching finishes, the best apple butter I have ever made and I'll leave behind the Thirty Days of Truth for a couple of days. At the moment, I'm looking at a vase of twenty five roses my husband brought home to me today and remembering him on the phone at around five while I was visiting Macy's getting a head start on my holiday shopping. He told me to just take my time and enjoy myself. Left over really yummy chicken casserole was in the fridge, no stress, he could take care of himself. What a guy!!!


Blessings nine!

Day 9 The Truth

Day 9 Someone you didn't want to let go but who drifted.


I might have to take a day or two break from this challenge; it sure has stirred my cauldron. So much thinking, contemplating. But the feedback I've gotten, here and privately, has been rewarding and helpful. And... I've really connected to some of the women participating in this - don't really know them, but they don't seem like strangers anymore. But onward as the witching hour approaches.


I think we all have people who come in to our lives for a time and then drift away, it's just meant to be. I have one friend, we were very close for many years, but she and her husband moved away about, oh, almost 18 years ago - can it be that long??? He has since passed away. Actually, we were a foursome, two couples separated by a good many years, but so close, with so much in common.  We still keep in touch and even visit occasionally, but we don't talk the way we used to, although we do have good, long conversations when we do speak. And when we visit, well it's as if time hasn't even passed by. Of course it has, we are both much older - she is elderly now, but still sharp as a tack and a tongue like a whip - ah, that's where I get it from! I still learn from her and I love her very much. I wish we weren't so far apart. Think I'll give her a call tomorrow.


Apropos of this post, I found this quote at 
http://ncmountainwoman.blogspot.com/

"The secret to life is to enjoy the passage of time."

What choice is there really if one wants to be happy?

Blessings nine! 

Day 8 The Truth

8. Some who made your life hell or treated you badly.


Well, as a blog buddy said before me, I don't believe in hell. And really, I never allow anyone to make my life hell. I'm very good at walking away and not holding on to things. Someone who's treated me badly - yes, of course. Someone who, after years of taking it, I let go of. The relationship was always a struggle. And I can say that we had many, many good times too, but there were always those jabs - in the nicest possible way, to assist me, because this person knew better. 


This  person will say I was rude the last time she saw me and I was, in her home, due to anger over yet another idiot incident. Not something I'm proud of, that old reactivity. We seemed to move past it, but those jabs again. And then the final jab over my not liking a certain singer. I remember thinking, who the hell are you? Once again, in this person's opinion, my feelings were not what they should be. I decided I no longer need a person who does this in my life. I hung up the phone and that was the end.


This final incident came about at a time of shift for me. About a year or so before I began a process of re-evaluation, letting go of what is no longer useful to me and figuring out what I really need; choosing to accept myself, warts and all, love myself. And... I have made some good progress. What I knew with complete clarity, at that moment, was I didn't need  a friend who didn't treat me well, who didn't accept that my feelings and opinions were valid even if she didn't agree. She didn't have to agree, I never expect anyone to always agree, just allow me my say. It wasn't worth the struggle anymore. It was a very freeing moment to allow myself to say "no more of this!"


Painful? Yes, but it is what it is. Lesson learned, moving on, wiser. No more having  someone around who, instead of giving support, chose to play devil's advocate all the time. Trust issues? Oh yeah, but I'll get by, I always do. As some wise person once told me, it's a process. I'm processing, I'm processing!


Blessings nine! 

Day 7 and the Weather!

Day 7 Someone who had made your life worth living.


My husband, because he has taught me so many things. He encourages and supports me, believes in me and helps me believe in myself.  He allows me the freedom to pursue what is important to me. He is my  best friend and I know, no matter what, I can count on him. He loves me unconditionally. Almost thirty one years of marriage, which, BTW, few thought would last, and we have a stronger love than ever. Better and better every year is not a cliche for us. I know I would be a different person, missing something, if I hadn't been with him all these years. He's made my life well worth living!

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Weather report for South Florida - yeah, it's chilly! I think it is in the mid fifties right now. Just lovely! Tomorrow likely won't reach seventy. I had a nice little fire tonight (ventless fireplace - what a great invention!) which made life even more cozy in Toadstool Condo, along with stitching and tea. Then on-line to watch an episode of Masterpiece Mystery's Sherlock. 


I honestly thought I would not like it, I am a loyal Jeremy Brett fan and  love all things Victorian. Of course Jeremy (may he rest in peace) is the gold standard for Holmes as far as I am concerned, but I am enjoying this modern Holmes. The stories are well crafted and the actors' interpretations of the characters are very good. Most enjoyable! Very nice that PBS has the option to watch on-line.


This weekend, a little dark moon magick! 


Blessings nine!

Day 6 The Truth

Day 6 Something you hope you never have to do.


I hope I never have to make a decision about someone's life - taking them off life support. With my beliefs in other realms and the Underworld, I have to wonder if someone considered "brain dead" by the medical establishment, is just in another place or truly dead and left the body, since the brain no longer functions. Do we know for sure that they are not experiencing something, someplace, that pulling the plug would interfere with?  Are people in this condition lingering between the worlds, hoping for someone to pull them back? Help them move into the place of the dead? Are they suffering in some way?


The thought of being responsible for that decision, most especially for someone I love, terrifies me. There is so much that is unknown. It is definitely something I hope I never have to do.


Blessings nine!

Day 5 The Truth

Day 5  Something you hope to do in your life.


This is darn near impossible for me to answer - I have SO many things I hope to do! I can't even begin to narrow it down. My big list - and it really is big - keeps me going, keeps my spirits up, encourages and makes me laugh. One thing it never does is make me feel like I can't or won't do most of it. I'll share a few.


I hope to live past 100, and like Don Corleone in the movie, The Godfather, pass gently in an Adirondack chair in my garden. I hope to have a nice big garden - flowers and food to feed us. Oh... and I want to have bees, just enough for honey in my tea and a little on toast. Of course right now I can't have honey - I have diabetes, but I more than hope to cure that!


I hope to finish that huge reproduction sampler, EK 1653. It's as long as I am tall, mostly double running stitch and so far, reversible. It used to be important that the whole thing be reversible, but with Laura Standish waiting, I've decided to just do the best I can. Most of my double running stitches are reversible so I'm not worried. I hope to finish Laura Standish as well, along with a few thousand other designs. Yes!!! Thousands!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


I hope to totally release the need to be in control - I'm doing well, working at this over the past two years, but I still have a few issues to go. I hope to be known as kind and generous. I hope to always have the kind of love in my life that I have now and that all those I love know I really do love them to bits.


Oh... and I hope that when I finally leave this earth, those who know me and are still here will say, gee, I'm going to miss her, she was a lot of fun. I hope that those who went before me and are waiting on the other side say, get ready, she's here!!!!!!!


Blessings nine!

Day 4 The Truth

Day 4 -  Something you have to forgive someone else for.


This is a tough one for someone who can't hold a grudge. Certainly I get angry at people, I am disappointed, I am hurt, but they pass fairly quickly, leaving only a wisp of whatever hurt it was. I make an attempt to look at it differently. The short answer is I don't have anything hanging about that needs forgiving. Is that really true? Yeah, I think it really is.


There's a reason for this. Some years ago, I read a couple of Louise Hay's books. I don't usually read self-help books, but someone recommended her and what I  read made a lasting impression that helped me very much. In fact, it changed the way I approached life. She spoke about her parents and how, despite abuse, she had forgiven them. She looked into their childhoods and realized they did the best they could with what they had. That sentence made all the difference for me. I think most people do the things they do to others because, at their deepest core, it's all they know. They do the best they can with what they have. Now, this doesn't excuse the pain people cause each other - Louise says forgiveness has nothing to do with condoning behavior. But if I spend my life dwelling on hurts given and received, what kind of life would I have? And not that I don't dwell on things sometimes, but for the most part, I consider them and let them go. I do try not to forget the lessons learned though. There's also those sayings;  being happy is the best revenge; don't let the bastards win. You get the idea. At some point you have to get up, dust yourself off and proceed with life, stop letting someone else control how you live and feel.


The past can never be changed, it happened and we can't go back. If I have done something or someone has done something to me, what I can do is acknowledge it, think about it for a little while and how I feel, then move on. I try to change the way I think about it if I am in a wacko place with it. And believe me, I get into those wacko places with emotional stuff - I contemplate it, toss it about, but... ultimately, I just let go. It did take a long time for me to get to this place though.  


I keep going and TRY to leave behind what doesn't do me any good. If you keep carrying everything around with you, it sure becomes a heavy load. Some days are better than others for this, but I just keep going, looking at the stuff that makes me happy and letting the rest of it drift away. It is all up to me. 

Forgiveness means giving up, letting go. It has nothing to do with condoning behavior. It''s

just letting the whole thing go. We do not need to know HOW to forgive. All we need to do

is be willing to forgive.

~ Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life ~

Blessings nine!

November, Hallows & Day 3 - The Truth

November comes
And November goes,
With the last red berries
And the first white snows.

With night coming early,
And dawn coming late,
And ice in the bucket
And frost by the gate.

The fires burn
And the kettles sing,
And earth sinks to rest
Until next spring.

~ Elizabeth Coatsworth ~

Happy November! Our Hallows ritual was lovely last night. I managed to crawl home by a quarter to four! We had a lovely remember for those who have gone by and our hazelnut charms are made and hung. I brought the offerings home to my hedge, my friend's dogs have taken to raiding the crossroads near her home for them, LOL. My Spirits welcomed them and a libation of cider, milk and Strega Liqueur. I am very much at peace this morning, good things are on the horizon.

Day 3 Something you have to forgive yourself for.


I try not to dwell on past mistakes and misjudgments. We are all human and really, nothing can change the past. My motto (I know, I have many) is to learn, accept and move on. That being said, there is something I haven't been able to forgive myself for and I keep working at it. The fact is I am not yet at that place where I feel I deserve forgiveness - it is such a painful memory - is the reason, I am sure. The good that came out of it is that I will never do something like it again, I am careful to consider what another may be going through. I certainly don't take any crap from someone because they can't manage their anger, but I try - sometimes successfully, sometimes not, to remind myself that there are reasons why people do what they do - painful reasons. 


I had a relative I was close to, now passed, who was an alcoholic. One day, when I was about 20 or 21, she called me and sounded drunk. I asked if she had been drinking and she denied it, but I believe she had been. Instead of talking to her, I hung up the phone, judgement passed. I cringe at this memory, even now, 33 years later. What was I thinking? How unkind and lacking in compassion I was. What would it have hurt to talk to her, even if she had been drinking? I loved her then, I love her still and I will regret it the rest of my life. A lesson - love them while you have them, warts and all. Make sure they know it - always make sure the people you love know that you do.

Blessings nine!